Elder Buxton at the Kyiv Temple while on a visa trip

Monday, March 21, 2011

Hey Fam,

I want to thank you so much for your letter this week. It really did bring tears to my eyes. These last few weeks have been really tough. Lot of ups and downs on the mish. I hope you know that I love you. I will say that right now I am having a lot of feelings of inadequacy and am having a hard time feeling good about myself. However I do feel the love of God daily and see miracles daily as well. I never really realized the hand of God in everything before my mission but really he is everywhere. I have a loving family back home. A wonderful Mom who worries about me :) And it just so happens that Wednesday was when I started feeling a little better. Thank you for your love. :) The gospel is so wonderful because there are always second chances and opportunities to become better each and everyday. I really do love that quote that God loves us as who we are but he loves us too much to let us stay that way. Thank you for the thought that President Richens shared it was really good. We have great leaders back home. The Sabbath was great as always. A~ has been inviting her friends to sacrament each week and finally one said that she would come and A~ was so excited. Then she didn't show up and she was really disappointed and down on herself. We explained that everyone has their free agency and that we can't get down. If we as missionaries got down every time someone didn't come that we had invited we would just be super sad all the time. haha Its great to see her desires to share the gospel I just hope that she doesn't get discouraged. In gospel principles we learned about the priesthood and all the blessings that come from it. :) Thank you for the talk from Jeffrey R Holland. I love him! I do know that there is help and that Christ always knows how we feel. I have been letting myself ask the stupid question of why me? Or thinking that I don't deserve what's happening but that's all wrong. I have been trying to align my will with God's and learn what he wants me to learn. Its harder when I'm being stubborn or blind but if I can just find the way to give all the trust to him and try to receive that help I know things will get better. The Lord is my light and I promise you that I won't ever give up! Just gotta be patient on the Lord's time. I will say that I have learned a lot of patience lately so the trials that I'm having are a blessing immediately. "Always rejoice" I don't remember where that is in the Bible but its there and Elder Z and I read that verse all the time haha.
This week we worked really hard but didn't really see the success that we wanted to see. But there I am being selfish again in saying that. C~ won't answer her phone or anything and ditched us on a meeting and Idris is out of Tyumen for over a month. :( But we are trying really hard to find new investigators. Last night we talked with a great man and women on the street who believe that there is something higher than us but don't really know what. We gave them the Book of Mormon and challenged them to read Alma 18 when Ammon teaches the king about the Great Spirit and the king is converted. They were super humble and nice and said that they would definitely read and would like to meet. So hopefully we can help them recognize the love of God in there lives. O~ was baptised and it was amazing! She is a great member already and is so willing to learn. Elder W is sick right now so we are hoping that he will get better soon. Thank you so much for sending another package I love the ones that are filled with love. :) They are the best. Elder Z will love it too. Yeah I have been bustin out the piano skills and of course I play the train song every time. :) It's the best. I play the hymns but only the top hand or the hymns made easy. :) haha I really stink but I like to play. Its funny that you remember the train song and its even more funny that I still play it haha.

Yup this week is the year mark and time has flown by. I can say that I really do love the mission and have grown a ton. I have learned what it truly means to be happy and it is so much different than what the world thinks happiness is. I have come to know my Lord and Savior more closely. I also learned a little Russian along the way believe it or not. ;) I am seeing my blessing being fulfilled right before my eyes. I'm happy that Braydee will soon get her blessing. Tell her I'm proud of her. My suit is great. I do look good in it;) Haven't you seen a picture? Transfers we will know on Friday. I could leave, I could stay anything could happen. I do love Tyumen it is a super great city. Congrats to Mitch Hales! Do you know what language he will be speaking or what mission in the Ukraine?

Tell Sasha good luck on the mission. I will tell his family privet from him when I get to serve in Ekat. Love you all lots. Tell all my friends hi from me. Thanks for the updates on the union sports. Well I love you lots.
Love Carson

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